James is Trying

The cultivation of a practitioner

I will decide to be a doctor.
I will pack up my things.
I will leave my family, my friends.
I will be nervous.
I will hear a speech at orientation where the speaker says, “Look around you. These people are your family now.”
I will not want a new family.
I will want my old family.
I will have to hold back my tears while sitting in a room full of people I just met.
I will be embarrassed.
I will not be ready.
I will not know if I can do this.
I will try.
I will go to all of my classes.
I will memorize everything I can.
I will constantly study.
I will take exams.
I will incorrectly answer many questions.
I will not understand important concepts.
I will not have anything to say.
I will take more exams.
I will make mistakes.
I will feel weak.
I will hang my head.
I will hold my face in my hands.
I will cry.
I will think that I can’t do this.
I will think that I’m not smart enough.
I will work past it.
I will keep trying.
I will take more exams.
I will ask for help.
I will start to fall in love with my classmates.
I will feel their support.
I will know that I can do this.
I will address my weaknesses.
I will get stronger.
I will take more exams.
I will know the answers.
I will graduate.
I will be a doctor.
I will have a patient waiting for me in the next room.
I will be humbled.
I will forget all of my failures.
I will forget all of my successes.
I will throw away everything I think I know.
I will take a deep breath.
I will walk into the treatment room,
And I will close the door behind me.